


there's a storm you're starting now

by ThunderstormsandMemories



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Foreshadowing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 15:06:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6289333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThunderstormsandMemories/pseuds/ThunderstormsandMemories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the last time Karl and Anders see each other before Kirkwall, and we all know how this story ends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	there's a storm you're starting now

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this on tumblr a while ago and forgot to transfer it to AO3

Karl was late to the corner of the library where they’d agreed to meet, and Anders was trying to suppress the fear that maybe this time Karl had decided it wasn’t worth his time or the risk. Decided that Anders wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t like Anders could blame him. Carrying on the way they did was danger, a vulnerability no Circle mage could afford, and it was only a matter of time before the Templars realized that whatever they had was more than just the casual flirtation between bored, lonely people that most Templars ignored. Not that most Templars saw them as people anyway, but you know. Details.

It still didn’t make Anders feel any better about Karl being late. What if something had gone terribly wrong and Karl needed help while Anders was sitting here moping?

Some of the worry receded when Anders saw Karl walk in, but the resigned, sorrowful look on his face caused waves of anxiety to crash back in.

Without speaking, Karl pulled Anders into a hug, and Anders returned it, holding him tightly enough that he could pretend they’d never have to let go. Karl stepped back first and gently put his hands on Anders’ face, as if that could somehow soften the impact of his words. “I’ve been transferred,” he said. “To Kirkwall. I’m leaving tomorrow. I wanted to tell you before you had to hear it from anyone else after I’m gone.”

There were some things even Anders wouldn’t joke about, and even more things Karl wouldn’t joke about. This was one of them, and yet Anders still clung desperately to the hope that maybe this wasn’t true. It was a joke, a dream, a demon. Even a demon trying to tempt him would be better than this being true. “You can’t. They can’t.”

“They can,” said Karl, taking Anders’ hand. “I have to go.”

“It isn’t fair,” said Anders. He knew, had always known, but he’d become happy enough to let himself forget and now it was all flooding back to him, how painfully helpless he was against an institution that could do anything to him and not give him a way to fight back. “This isn’t right, this isn’t the way it should be. You should have a choice.”

“When have any of us ever had a choice about where we go?” said Karl dryly. “All we can choose is to resist in small ways. Or big ways that look small to them.” He intertwined his fingers with Anders’ and smiled sadly, fondly, to say all the words he didn’t dare say out loud. They both knew the rules. You didn’t fall in love, but if you did, you never admitted it, even to yourself.

Anders thought rules were made to be broken, but even he stopped short of putting the thought into words. “But why you?” he said instead. “And why now? Is it because of this?”

“Apparently they need more Harrowed mages,” said Karl, as if reciting a line he didn’t believe and couldn’t be bothered to pretend. “But you’re right. When I tried to appeal to Irving he said that some new company would be good for me. There’s nothing else I can do.”

Anders wished he could say something meaningful and romantic, something like _they can’t keep us apart for ever_ or _I’ll find you again and then we can be forever_. Something terrible and cliche out of the few romance novels that made it into the Circle library. But nothing he wanted to say was the truth, so he said, “I can’t live here without you.”

“You have to try. Please, Anders. You can’t take on the entire Templar Order by yourself. I’m not saying you should forget me, but try to move on.”

Anders wasn’t sure if the tears in his eyes were from anger or sadness. “But I love you.”

“Oh, Anders. I’m so sorry.” Karl kissed him and it tasted like a goodbye, there was such finality in it. A last kiss for the dying man, whichever of them that was. An ending, to bookend a relationship. Karl broke away, still holding Anders’ hands, and looked at him earnestly. “Be careful,” he said. “Whatever you do. Wherever you go.” Karl knew him too well, knew that he was planning to run again. He’d stopped for a while, for as long as he had a reason to stay and a reason to care about the consequences should he run and be caught. But no longer.

“You, too. Don’t cause too much trouble without me,” said Anders. He wanted to look away, to hide that he was about to cry, but he was afraid that if he didn’t spend every last second studying Karl’s face he might forget how he looked, in this moment and in every other, when he laughed, when he smiled, when he was deep in thought, when he looked Anders in a way that made Anders feel more safe and loved than he thought he had any right to feel.

“Oh, Anders,” Karl said again. He pressed a kiss to Anders’ forehead and whispered, so quietly Anders could barely hear, “I love you.”


End file.
